Kehilangan Yasmin Ahmad. Al-Fatihah!

My mind is so messed up right now, i have to write my thoughts down. At 12am sunday as i am having supper with my wife, Zahim, Pia and some friiends at the Esplanade in Singapore. I received an sms which was later confirmed by her brother that "Yasmin Ahmad had passed away".

I was dumbfounded. My mind felt numb. I knew that after the stroke happened, that things wasn't going that great, but her condition was stable. I wasn't ready for it.

Then it hit me, the magnanimity of the event which was just made known to me...

Today we have lost a great Malaysian.

Today we have lost someone who greatly loves her country and those who live in it.

Today we have lost a great voice of reason....

Today we have lost a mentor.... an inspiration ... a friend.

I use to tell Min that i wish i could be more like her because she was someone who always spoke her mind, especially in her films and being the kind person that she was, she always made you feel better by saying something nice about you. BUT truly to be like her, i believe is so tough especially in this time an era where a lot of people judge your film by the box office collection.Nevertheless, she didn't care, she stayed true to her stories... to how she wanted them to look like.

She told me she didn't want to do art films.... she wants to do mainstream so that the whole world could watch her stories

Some say she invited controversy.... but i feel her intention is more to get people to actually start a dialogue about the issues that she put forth. To get people to deal with issues which are normally swept under the rug. Among many local filmmakers i felt like she was the only mainstream director who had the balls to do that in quite a blatant straight forward manner, rather than colour coat some issues like me and some of my counterparts do.That is why she was special.

I was in Cannes recently and i went to the Singapore Media Development Authority booth and i saw that Yasmin Ahmad had two film projects that was being presented as a Singapore film project. I felt proud & jealous at the same time at what she had managed to achieve as a filmmaker in such a short time. She was truly gifted. But more so, i felt angry that such a talent was recognised more outside her home country rather than in it. I guess once again, in Malaysia, an artiste must die first before her / his work is truly recognised and by that time, it will be to late.

"Jangan bagi banyak sangat kat karyawan kita, nanti diorang besar kepala", maybe that is what is in our cultural belief system. Which is Fucked up. You watch... now that she has passed away.... her films will no longer be under scrutiny and all the unrelease-ables will become release-ables.

What i love about Yasmin was when she was excited to talk about her latest project, she was always drawing from personal experience and was so good at sharing it with us on celluloid. She loved making her films and she loved sharing it with us.

I cannot believe that Yasmin is no longer with us. She was an inspiration, a brave voice in our community and most importantly a kind kind soul. Semoga tuhan mencucuri rahmat ke atas rohnya. Saya harap rakyat Malaysia sedar yang kehilangan kita amat besar hari ini. She was just a friend, but i felt extreme sadness... emptyness at hearing of her passing. I am at a loss for words..

She gave a lot of budding filmmakers a break in the advertising industry (myself included) and always introduced us to all sorts of opportunities and possibilities. She recommended to get me to be the director of the Petronas commercial. Eventually, my first commercial. She shared resources, ideas freely with her friends because you are her KAWAN first before someone who works with or for her.

It was so easy to hear her say "Kesiaan ek!" from my experience of her because she was such a giving and compassionate person who was always cared for those who were in need or wherever an injustice had taken place.

In the film industry, i really looked up to her. As a friend i was really blessed that she let me be in her space. Even if it was a short while.

We will all be the poorer because of her passing.

I will truly miss you old friend... and i will truly miss all the films that you should have made..... you have touched my life and the life of millions, in ways you could never imagine. I thank allah for letting you be with us even if it was just for a while and i pray he takes good care of you, now that she has returned to you.

Till we meet again kind gentle soul.

Afdlin