Pelikat Pants Designer

Pelikat Pants Designer
Number 1 Pelikat Pants Maker in the World!

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Something hard.

I am blogging from Alexis, Great Eastern Mall while waiting for Apek to show up for our meeting.

I want to share something that has been on my mind for awhile. It is something which is not easy for one to talk about but i feel my sessions on the blog have been like going to therapy sessions, so i want to share an awkward topic which i have been forced to deal with lately.

A bit about my true self.
I try to live my life as honest as possible. i don't always communicate what's in my mind and i know that frustrates a lot of people, but when i do open my mouth, you can expect honesty. The people i love i keep them close and in high regard.The people who i dislike, i give them opportunities to become better (too many at times). I give respect first without expecting it back, but i will not pay disrespect with any kindness.

My conflict has always been :

Can i be honest to the people i love even though i know it will hurt them?
Would it be better to not give money to family that is constantly asking for it (macam gua ada kilang cap duit kat Pengkalan Chepa) and let them figure out a way for themselves?

Please share your views with me... and we will continue this discussion.

love to all.

POWER TO THE PEOPLE

Afdlin

136 comments:

spitsid said...

pertama:

bercakap benar walaupun pahit. nevermind, there's always love after every hate. paling2 kuat pon merajuk 2 3 hari. thats why 'siddiq' always first before 'amanah', then we'll follow by 'tabligh' and 'fathanah'. grab it as guidance for your whole life. konfem ok.

kedua:

love your family-yes
pampered your family-yes
when it talk about money-this is the time where you need to use your mind.

letakkan ditempat yg betul. you're the family leader. you're the one who knows best. where the money will go, and should be. you're a husband, a father. you have the power, use it wisely. know where to put your nafkah, where to waste it (heh). honest is the best thing. but don't forget to remind them that you love them. nice and wise talk should be ok.

just my 2 cents dude.

roE said...

hello afdlin..

saya rasa, bout yg shoyld u be honest with the ones u love tue.. i think sume org yg rational akan suggest for u to be honest all the way eventho u'll hurt their feelings. cos better u rasa pedih skrg dari terus menerus rasa guilty. and for ur loved ones pulak, at first die akan frust la kan, of course, but at least she'll trust u. she knows yg u x kan tipu die nex tyme. cos if u x be honest with her now and if one day she found out the truth in the hard way, rasanya boleh agak la ape akan jadi right? lagi satu bercakap benar dan jujur ni adalah salah satu sikap Rasulullah. and sesape yg ikut jejak langkah baginda x kan penah rugi.. agree?

about the money thingy, the best way to stop that person from constantly asking for ur money is to figure out a way for them on how they can earn the money. cos kalau nak harap kan org tue, payah gak kan since keje die duk mintak duit afdlin aje. but kita tanak kecikkan hati dia dgn x kasi duit tu bile die mintak right? so kita kasi die alternative lain. kalau org tu anak afdlin, boleh ajar dia cam.."mia basuhkan kereta papa then baru papa kasi duit as upah"
but if dia ni org dewasa, x kan nak suruh camtu kan. so kene la cam probably carikan some keje yg die boleh buat. die mesti ade bakat in something kan? x kisah la ape pun.. so ask her or him to explore his gift given by Allah. Allah x pernah mensia2kan org yg berusaha.. just remember that. if Afdlin x do something skrg, sampai bila2 that person x kan berubah. so do something now! susah sgt suruh je die hafal ayat seribu dinar. =)
ayat tu maksud dia:::
"Allah memberinya rezeki dari jalan yang tidak terlintas di hatinya. Dan (Ingatlah), sesiapa berserah diri bulat-bulat kepada Allah, maka Allah cukuplah baginya (untuk menolong dan menyelamatkannya). Sesungguhnya Allah tetap melakukan segala perkara yang dikehendakiNya. Allah telahpun menentukan kadar dan masa bagi berlakunya tiap-tiap sesuatu"

adieza said...

assalamualaikum abg afdlin,

first issue:
pada pandangan saya mmg kita kena tell the truth and be honest, especially to our loved ones. sebabnye just imagine if you lied about something, and they found out the truth one day, don't u think it would hurt them? then they won't trust u anymore.. baik diorang sakit hati sekarang daripada later..

second issue:
agreed with roe.. like what my ex-supervisor used to say.. "If you want fish, I won't give u fish, but I will teach you how to fish". Maknanye kalau someone needs something from us, or need us to do something for them, don't just give it to them or do it for them, instead show them the way, how to do it..

pyerudz said...

bro;
there's nuthin wrong about loving your family and people around you. besides, its a demand in Islam to love all the creatures of Allah (that includes katak kodok). but in your case, asking for money (not to mention most of the time)like you are RHB, is ridiculous. my piece of view, tell the fellow to find other alternatives. kalau desperado sgt pun, ko ajak je die berlakon buli 3 ke, baik punye cilok 2 ke etc etc. dont make it so easy for him/her to get it from you my friend. i mean, we work really hard to earn our money, sampai nak termuntah keje... ingat duit jatuh dari langit ke?? tak pun dalam tanah belakang rumah?? but the bottom line is, your nawaitu. decline to lend/give (your money) with a hope that he/she will put more effort in life! think you've worked hard? FRAAKKK!!! that ain't hard enough dude.
god bless

Anonymous said...

saying 'no' is hard, saying 'no' to the people u love, where there might be a possibility dat they'll get hurt, is indeed much harder. i dun make my own money so i can't really say whut to do, n i obviously dun face thins kinda problems. but i noe my dad does. a family member did ask to borrow some money due to poverty, which is understood. another family member wanted to borrow sum money, which i'm not sure why considering they do live a comfortable life. i think my dad did giv sum reasons why he can't lend sum money to them. he needs the money as much as they do, n it's not proper to tell them to deal wif their own problems, so my dad did suggest sumways to help them ease this matter. i noe whut i'm saying is lame, n there's no advise here, but u're a smart guy. i juz hate it if sumone fights over money.

Soraya said...

I think toe got the point.. Its hard to say NO to people that you love but what u can do is help them to earn the money themself.. for e.g if your children wanna buy something expensive and ask money from you..maybe what you can do is.. you give them extra money for their 'duit belanja sekolah' and then ask them to simpan sikit.. and what roe said.. ask them to do something for you.. and then give them upah/or saguhati.. but not the total amount of the thingy that your children want but some of it.. and rest maybe tambah from the 'duit belanje skolah'.. but still.. let they work for it and not get thing easily... so that they will appreciate it.. better!

tiba-tiba teringat with my kazen, senang dpt ape die nak dari kecik.. nak kasut rebox la.. tula . pendek kata, all the expensive thingy lah. but then dah besar .. spoil la sikit.. skrang dah susah sket nak bentuk.. but still boleh berdoa betul tak.

the funny part, mcm la aku dah ada anak dan dah penah implement mende nih.. but hey that whats my parents did to me.. :-)

education is great and I love my mum & dad .. :)

and Afdlin, do your best kay!! ..

whyme said...

arlow dude...

duit kat famili yg wajib kita kena bagi la... yg xtra2 tu atas kemampuan kita la plak... sepatutnyer org yg kita sayang pun paham kita cam ner kan... so bagi gua, famili yg wajib ke atas kita, itu tetap wajib, kalu termissed tu bleh la kita cover balik... tapi with a good reason la.. kalu kita tak mampu utuk berlebih2, baik tak payah, menyusahkan diri utk org lain tak bagus, kerana akan mendatangkan susah buat diri sendiri buat apa... yg wajib kita utamakan...

macam gua sayang kat lu, tapi gua tak blanja pun or beli apa2 pun kat lu, cuma gua bleh bantu lu dari dgn g tengok hasil kerja lu kat wayang or teater or beli CD lagu lu... tu tanda gua sayang kat lu dan itu je yg gua mampu...

so... kita berbelanja ikut kita mampu.. ajar la org tersayang dgn apa yg kita mampu... gua sayang lu, lu sayang gua, gua paham lu, lu paham gua...

wajib tetap wajib...

sayang lu...

juita said...

Once when you got married to the woman you loved separuh mati & dapat anak-anak yang bijak dan comel, so that is what we call family ~ your family. Pada zaman yang canggih manggih ini, wang adalah keperluan utama. Kalau tiada wang, hanya kasih sayang sahaja, rumahtangga akan berantakan. Communication is very important, people don't know what actually is in yr mind, try to communicate even though its hard. That's is about yr family, communication & money.

But when it comes to people seperti Adik, Abang, Kakak, they of course still yr family, but they are at the second place. Kalau nak bantu, tepuk dada tanya selera, sekali ok, 2 kali still ok, tapi banyak kali dan tak reti bahasa, itu yang keluar statement "Apa, ko ingat aku ni cap duit ke?"...yes, you have to be honest afdlin, kalau tidak mereka tidak akan faham. Go & tell them nicely, one day, they will understand your situation BUT when it comes to "EMAK", as a son, she is still under yr responsibilities.

Saya rasa ini yang anda maksudkan, kalau pendapat saya salah, ampun maaf dipinta...

Anonymous said...

sometimes, people may take for granted for things that they obtained so easily and sometimes, you have to be cruel to be kind... ade kene mengene ke??

-hafez-

Anonymous said...

dude..
honesty to family is selective i should say.. the truth is sometimes mightier than the sword.. takkan la ko nak selamber ckp kat mak ko nasi dia hangit ke.. lauk dia tak cukup masin ke.. heheh.. so on so forth..
abt the moola issue.. dude.. can borrow some not? :p

montpelliergal said...

Hi, hope you are not feeling so frustrated.
1) I think that you should be honest with them. The honesty part is one matter, the "way to communicate" is another matter. Some people can handle very bitter truth, some people like the more subtle soft way of handling truth. It is very context dependent on whom you are about to communicate truth with. the essence is always how you communicate with them, and truth can be delivered in any ways, i believe so.
2) About the family, there is always a difficulty between wanting to flourish them with happiness at the same time wanting them to be more independent. It requires a balance either way and if one looks upon this matter, they are at contradiction with one another, yet complementing to one another. My best suggestion is to apply (1) (as mentioned above), come to tell them truth about it (it seems your issues are both inter-related somehow..).
Just to share a story, my uncle practically "lived" .. on the whole family supporting him for about 30 yrs. He went off marrying, then divorcing and making babies all his life, he is 48 without any real jobs. Because it was in general our fault (my mom, dad, uncle etcs..not mine!) to "spoon feed" him with money. Each time he was in trouble, we bailed him out and that created this routine, dependency, and by the the time we all realized that "giving money" endlessly to him without teaching him the "meaning" of earning it was causing unhappiness in his life and us as well. So he is now approaching 50, he is still clueless about his life, he has been married 3 times and has about 8 kids. He is extremely unhappy about his life, but he isn't doing anything, because he always expects people to solve problems for him. If he had to pay phone bills that mounted high,he called the family up and demanded them to wire him money.

So..it was a lesson learned for all of us. I guess, some of the others suggestions of asking you to teach them to earn money, is a good way for their future as well. At the same time, giving money to your parents is a must must..but about relatives and all..it might be best to apply "stricter" rules..

arnie said...

aflin...
1. about being honest
yeap, kita kena jujur dgn org yg kita sayang. Cuma cara kita sampaikan kejujuran kita tu yg akan menentukan tindakbalas org kita sayang tu. Kira cakap kasi terang..Sebab biasanya berkata benda jujur atau benar ini akan sakitkan hati org yg mendengar. Tapi kalau dah beri semua sebab dan pandangan, bila dia cool-down dia akan fikir balik betul/salah apa kita kata tu. Dan dalam jujur tu tak semua kita perlu bgtau sbb kita perlu gak ada perkara yg kita simpan sendiri utk diri kita. Ini bukan tanda tak jujur tapi tak beritau jer sbb dia tak tanya...hehehe

2. money for the family
Dalam hal nih selain memberi kena gak usaha utk dapat kewangan sendiri. Jangan diajar apa nak semua dapat(lagipun aflin sendiri pernah belajar dari susahkan). Bila kita pernah susah jgn sekali-kali berfikiran "aku pernah susah dulu tak mau keluarga aku susah mcm aku". Kalo ikutkan..kerana susah dulu tu la kita senang sekarang. Kita tak mau keluarga kita susah mcm dulu tapi jgn pulak terlalu senang sampai lupa susah. Dan jgn diajar keluarga dengan kemewahan yg terlampau. Boleh nak hidup selesa apa salahnya tapi keluarga perlu jugak diajar utk hidup setakat mampu dan belajar untuk berusaha mendapatkan apa yg mereka nak dgn usaha sendiri. Yeap, aflin boleh bagi duit TAPI duit tu sebagai sebahagian dari usaha mereka bukan bagi segala keluarga mintak.(mcm iklan budak kaki kudung kat dlm tv tu).

hope membantu...

kiranakia said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
kiranakia said...

yeop,

berkata benar walaupun pahit..by the way, kimslm kat apek yek..(hwahwahwa.buatla bunyi mcm dia suka buat tu..)

Anonymous said...

Can i be honest to the people i love even though i know it will hurt them?

You dont have to be 100% honest.. like rather then say 'lauk nih tak cukup garam!' you can say 'this lauk is great dear but with a little bit of salt it would be much better, but ofcourse i'll die faster from high blood pressure but nevermind that..'

Would it be better to not give money to family that is constantly asking for it (macam gua ada kilang cap duit kat Pengkalan Chepa) and let them figure out a way for themselves?

if it's family, then u do give them the money but find out what they're spending it on.. if it's wasted or lost some way through bad decission making, you have to step in and tell them what's wrong and point them the right way..

rifdy@yahoo.com

Anonymous said...

Hi Afdlin,

You should be honest, yes, and come clean. But that depends on what the issue at hand really is. Kalau it is going to be hurtful, if it was something you did that could really hurt deep, then I think you should reconsider. Weigh the outcome of your being honest ... does it serve to remedy or aggravate the situation?

I have always been a champion of being honest, but once I was terribly hurt by my loved one's honest confession. I wished I didn't know. It took a while to forgive and forget. And it changed the nature of our relationship somewhat.

However, if there is any chance of your loved one discovering the truth from other means, then come clean. And be prepared to face the consequences.

With regards money, in all my forty something years, I have been a giver ... to siblings, their children, mom, mom-in-law, orphaned nephew and niece in law. After a while, I realised that many of them took me for granted; bank keluarga, gitu. They became ungrateful, pampered, lemak! (Except for mom, of course, who is such an angel!)So, I cut their line of credit and sekarang my ringgit is only for me and mine!

Having said all that, I can't give the best advice knowing so little about your problem. You are the best judge of what is the best course of action.

Good Luck!

By the way, this is a highly entertaining blog. Keep it up. And I love your honesty!

(Just call me Kakak)

DNAS said...

What? You kena tunggu Apek? Apasal mamat ni tak punctual??? Geramnyee... geramnyeee.... (sambil menghentak2 meja)...

sue said...

kalau masuk bab2 duit nih memang boleh sakit otak/jiwa dibuat nyer...

based on my experience,kalau my parents yg mintak, kalau ada duit, i bagi. tapi, kalau balance yg ada tak cukup untuk own survival, kena explain slowly lah kat diorg.

tapi, kalau yg mintak tu is your relatives... sigh... susah sikit. especially kalau dapat jenis yg ada 'bakat terpendam' (if u know what i mean). relatives-relatives jugak... but they're still humans and humans banyak flaws nyer.

it's all really up to your guts instinct and perhaps your experience dgn diorg.

kalau u jenis yg tak nak pisang berbuah 2 kali, then better not give. tapi, perhaps you'd have to eplain yourself or tell a white lie.

but kalau u jenis yg kurang pada duniawi and more focused on akhirat kelak, well, go ahead and give.

in the end it's all goes back to u. how you want it to be...

ps: do i make sense?
;P

lontongkering said...

memberi tu boleh ... tapi mesti lah berpada ... hihi jgn mintak 1k bagi 1k mintak 2k bagi 2k .... tiap kali mintak bagi ... sesekali tak per .... nanti naik lemak ... mcm saya ... susah susah aja

Anonymous said...

money matters!
i thought i je yang ada masalah yang sama mcm u, afdlin. tak bagi kesian, tapi kalau dah asal jumpe aja nak mintak duit, memang beratlah. memtang-mentang kite nie keja bank.. ingat chop duit agak nye.. tapi biasanya i buat macam nie, especially for my family laa.. kalau my father yang mintak, sebolehnye i usahakan (since dia pun tak slalu mintak) bcoz, maybe memang dia takde duit mase tu, lagi pun my father memang tak mintak ngan orang lain. so kalau dia minta dgn i bila i balik, i never say NO. for my mother, i pun tak tahu laa... asal dia mintak aje, memang i byk sikit dalih, coz dia ada optional, kalau tak dpt dgn i sure dia begging kat my father..

bercakap pasal jujur tadi.. we shud be honest, sebab kalau tak memang mkn diri nye.. sebab tu if my father nak duit n that time i memang takde duit, i ckp ngan dia, skrg nie i takde cash but i promise i bagi once i dah masuk gaji ke.. ape2 aje laa. at least dia tahu yang i tak tipu.

for you afdlin, lilin yang sentiasa menerangi orang lain pun, suatu hari nanti akan padam..Fikir-fikirkan laa..

-nuri-

Elinor said...

afdlin,
i know exactly how you feel. our family have always been the one that the rest turn to when they are in need. and this is due to my father being the eldest in the family. he tried his very best to always provide for his brother/sisters. my father have since past away (last year) and guess what...instead of asking whether we need help ... my uncles and aunties are still at it. my mom just refuse to let any of us do/say anything to them, cause she dont want to hurt anybody's feeling. so here we are, still "supporting" them and i can tell you, it is like they dont have any shame at all..just keep on asking and asking and asking for money.

so afdlin, if you dont say anything then they will just continue to think of you as an ATM machine.

wakdojer said...

kau sepatutnya shouldn't have bothered about those things ... kau kan selambakodok ... joking kay. Anyway, apa yang kau tulis tu really bugging you ker ... or it is u yang rasa guilty u cannot satisfy them.

Apa aku melalut ni kodok?

Anyway, I have done something good to you ... hope u know who i am. Hints later.

rakan kadok said...

Kalau kepada family yang wajib you tanggung, you must try your best (dah wajib and I am sure you want to give your wife, children and mom the best that you can afford kan). Tapi pada ahli keluarga yang you tak wajib tanggung like adik beradik you, you should be Honest with them. Kalau tidak sampai depa nak kahwin anak pun mintak duit sama lu lagi.

msmayonaise said...

perasan tak.... kenapa kodok-kodok di atas tu makin mengurang...
hmm...

PrincessRen said...

well, friend. i try to help u here but it seems that almost everybody is giving the same advise. how should i say it? honestly, i'm not honest to my family as well because i know damn well that it will hurt them like crazy. So this burden at my back is getting heavier and heavier as i get older. So better b honest wif them while the burden is not that big. just my 2.38 cent...

anyway pal, watever the problem that u're having right now, solve it as soon as possible.

"Finish each day and be done with it. You have done waht you could. Some blunders and absurdities have crept in, forget them as soon as yuou can. Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense."

BungaCengkih said...

Afdlin,
Wa pon amat setuju dengan semua pendapat kat atas tu..
1st...be honest walaupon pahit..
2nd...sekali dua leh la suap dorang, abis kalau asik dok mintak lagi..usaha kan sesuatu bio depa dapat hasil atas usaha sendrik!

itu je la yg leh wa pk now..
kalau ade lagi nnt wa tambah..

chiow!!!!

Bukan Sepet said...

Kebetulan! Samer ler kiter Chief.

Gua tumpang baca nasihat dia orang chief.. Boleh aaa..?

Sejujurnya aku tak mampu kata aku takde duit kat org aku sayang. Aku sanggup pinjam kat member nak bagi derang. Kekadang short budget dlm rumah pasal nak beri derang. Masalahnya kalau dia org pergi joli ngan duit tu senang ler aku kata takder.. Tapi reason derang selalunya memang munasabah. Sometime desperate.

Cakap senang chief.
Buat susah.

kadang kadang aku rasa lagi baik aku duk jejauh.. Bila jauh.. takder ler sangat yg cari.

Chief, ada kerja kat Kutub utara tak chief. Gua join lu la chief.
-penin.-

Nurul said...

honesty ; to some is the best policy ... but can sometime be "not the best policy" ...

to me .. "what he doesnt know doesnt hurt.. "

which can sometime be bad also.. but u've to play it by the rule laa....

be honest not only to the people around you.. but also to yourself..

so be honest ; do u really want to tell.. or just keep it to urself... ;)

melmuhd said...

wat they said are true abg afdlin.

Be honest to ur loved ones, but then tgk situasi jugak la.. =D susahkan? kalau kite rasa the person should know the truth for a good reason, why not? btol tak? maybe awal2 tu the person might terasa atau kecik atie, but then kalau org tu sensible & mature enough, they will understand the reason behind it.

on the money, kilang chop duit tu.. mel rasa semua org pernah & sedang menghadapinya. especially kalau anak sulung & anak/sedara yg famous/berada skit. everybody wants to be ur cousin/adik/makcik/pakcik/etc..etc.
apatah lagi org mcm abg afdlin..
kalau beralasan yg munasabahan, mmg susah tahap kodok & terdesak, terhimpit, ok la ..
tp kalau sehat walafiat, tanak keje, nak beli bende mewah2, or makan hebat2, melampau la tuu....

apa-apa pun.. terpulang pada individu dan jugak keadaan.
mungkin hari ni hari dia, entah esok hari kite pulak. kan??

ayusolo said...

hello brother afdlin...

hope you doing well....

1st ttg isu being honest....kiter rara honest tu penting n bagus tp depends....if it will really hurt them kenapa kita nak spoil everything...but make sure we can solve n settle that things...kalau tak kiter kena shout to somebody and ask for help....susah tau nak simpan rahsia from the love one utk seumur hidup....kalau aper2 jadi kelak kiter yg akan menyesal....

2nd about kilang cop duit....herm...nie semua normal n happens to everybody...sometimes semua org kena ingat besar income besar expenses nyer...as like kata org dulu2...besar periuk besarlah jugak keraknyer...so kene tanya where the money will flow...pesan org kalau kiter wat baik rezeki kiter kaan bertambah...i believe with this.....so if we cant give them RM1 kiter bg 20 sen pun cukup sbg tanda ingatan...

anyway hope this can help u n others including myself....do take care n berkarya utk org ramai bak kata PM...

walkthrulife said...

honesty is the best policy. berkata benar walaupun pahit. cuma u need to be tactful on this matter.

money..sekali sekala tu bolehlah if they are really in need and there's no other means. not selalu

smilos said...

aku tak reti nak nasihat orang
tapi apa yg boleh aku kata...

1) be honest memang penting dlm setiap relationship. memang payah nak terima kalo apa yg disampaikan tu menyakitkan hati.. tapi itu lebih baik utk jangka masa panjang. cuba bayangkan kalo ia terjadi kat diri sendiri. kita find out yg pasangan/partner or kawan kita tak honest. ada menda yg dia simpan. and kemudiannya kita tertau plak pasal mende tu... tak ke sakit hati dan marah??? silap2 gadoh besorrrrr. so might as well come clean...
citer or cakap.. tapi pandai2 la karang ayat... supaya impact dia tak lah menghenyakkan sangat hati and perasaan orang yg terima tu!!!

2) pasal duit. emmmm.... aku susah nak cakap pasal ni. tapi ada satu bidalan "dari pada beri ikan kepada orang yang lapar tu.. baik berikan kayu joran kepadanya"... lebih kurang gitu la...
so.. jangan sokmo bagi duit bila orang mintak.. sesekali ajar dia.. "to get money.. u have to eran it!" bukan takat mintak2 jer...
kalo asik mintak jer.. tokey balak pon bankrap!!!

itu jer la.. kalo point tak relevant.. harap maaf!

adios!
-smilos-

playsafe said...

hai bro,

pasal ur topic kasi duit/tolong family..
im also having the same prob here but its in the other way round..my dad is a workaholic as well and also spend his money to (adik beradik dan mcm2 beradik la yg timbul bila nak mintak $$) and me as a son terasa la sakit hati sikit when someone come and ask money from him, kalau sekali dua ok la bai, ni dah selalu sangat..(mcm la my dad ni anak menteri)

so, to answer ur Q about kasi duit kat family tu..ermmm kalau memang dia org perlukan ok la, kalau selalu sangat datang mintak, then u should just give them welfare department tell no and address as well..

Ordinary Superhero said...

Honest kepada orang tersayang memanglah penting. Tapi janganlah jadi terlalu lurus. Dah tau dia sure marah kalau cakap lurus, cakaplah berlapik kona2 sikit. Contoh dah janji nak balik awal dr opis, bila wife call on the way ke jalan exceptionally jem ke, walaupun baru gerak dari opis tak sampai seminit tadi.

Pasal duit tu, berpada2 lah. Kadang orang tak tahu kita susah sebab kita secara langsung/tak langsung tunjuk (potray) yang kita ni senang dan duit berlambak. So kalau cakap kita pun sempit dia orang mungkin pikir kita kelentong pasal kita kedekut. Yang baiknya, bantu yang semampu. Tapi kalau dah bagi, biar ikhlas dan jangan ungkit lagi. Anggap lah dah memang duit tu kita punya tapi rezeki dia. Kalau tak, boleh sakit jiwa nanti.

PS - tak tau pulak ada kilang cap duit kat Pengkalan Chepa!

Anonymous said...

first of all...hail to afdlin...

well..inilah kehidupan...konflik dlm diri yg x habis memeningkan kepala n membuatkan fikiran mengamuk dan hati pula berkecamuk...org kata ikut kata hati...tp klu dah hati berkecamuk..macam mana?

p/s: kitorang ngah wat web afdlin utk final project....

dirtyprettyugly....

pliz give comment at my fotopages..
http://munkyprettyugly.fotopages.com

mafiaries said...

salamz..
bila kita honest ngan orang lain, orang lain akna honest balk ngan kita. tapi bila kebenaran tu bawak kepahitan kepada orang yg satu tu, walaupun family kita, kita akan lebih merasai kepahitan kembali berbanding honest yang kita bagi. mulalah merasa hati, merajuk membawa diri. tetapi, eventually masa akan berikan semula keistimewaan honesty itu, bila mereka sedar tentang apa yang perlu/tak perlu kita buat. you got to do what you got to do, rite?
2nd:
duit..
sigh...
susah nih.
tapi bro, you know mana yang patut kan..

atasya said...

kalau ckp jujur dpt pahala...sbb tuh kena fikir sblm buat...Allah bagi otak ada sebab

kalau bagi duit kat org pun dapat pahala....mudah-mudahan rezeki kita akan diperbanyakkan lagi

pendek kata dunia ni sekejap je....esok lusa boleh mati

kalau sayang...tunjukkan kita betul2 sayang...kalau nak minta maaf...jgn tunggu masa raya

errkk mcm dah terkeluar topik...tapi ok lah kot

wahida said...

Afdlin,

1. Memang susah nak bersikap jujur terhadap semua orang especially family sebab kejujuran kita adalah kebenaran dan kebenaran adalah pahit.

2. Memang susah untuk berkata tidak kepada family tapi aku berpegang pada pepatah ini "Tolonglah diri sendiri dulu sebelum tolong orang lain" - kalau diri kita sendiri tak tertolong dek kita dari segi apa pun, apakan pulak kita nak tolong orang walaupun orang tu family kita sendiri..

Aku praktikkan dua benda ni, dan memang terbakar orang-orang yang aku sayang, kerana mereka harapkan aku jadikan mereka dunia aku sahaja, dan bila satu hari aku decide aku nak berhenti dari semua itu, mereka tuduh aku tak mengenang budi, tapi dalam masa susah pun mereka carik aku juga.. so don't worry.. c'est la vie!

Foxybabe said...

Honesty is not the best policy.
Do think before you speak.
Chances are, your loved ones will get hurt more, if the things shouldn't be heard from you.

But then again, there's a grey area there. Use your creativity to delivers any issues that you have to your loved ones.

Zed said...

ROAARRR!!! ROOOOAARRR!!! RRRROOOOAARRRR!!!!!

okeh boss, dah halau dah suma kodok kodok notty yang suka masuk pakai anon tuh!

sorry lambat masuk keje ari nih boss, bini nombor 3 terseliuh kaki kejar tenuk semalam!

dari:

singa pencen jadi security guard jaga raja kodok.

"kodok, pun kodddoookkk laaaa... janji massyyyuuukkkk, kan boss kaannn"

p/s

boss, boss cita aper yang sampai suma orang serius sangat ni boss? btw kodok yang mengaku anak raja tu mana boss? dia kalau ada mesti cita panjang nyer boss. lotih saya baca boss.

ok lah chow dulu, boss - nak kena beli minyak nona roguy jap, kena urut bini laaa bosss... kalau anon anon notty tuh datang lagi, call lah saya OK boss!

Blackpepper said...

Afdlin,

think of your priority first. Family members macam abang atau kakak you, they need to be help kalau you tahu kedudukan kewangan mereka. You kena tau bezakan masalah kewangan atau kesusahan hidup, itu saja. Untuk yang lain-lain, I mean sedara mara tu... tak payah le murah hati sangat sbb kadang2 diorang cuma nak take advantage je.. yelah Afdlin tu artis, banyak duit bla bla bla... so utamakan keluarga sendiri, adik-beradik sendiri then baru fikirkan pasal orang lain... good luck.

LyNi said...

errr... nak mintak tolong sikitlah kekawan kodoks sekalian...

Saya dan adik betul2 nak tonton Anugerah ERA 05 tapi semua hotel di JB n KL tak ada astro ria channel.. camne nak tengok?? Klu ada suggestion, email kepada lini1977@hotmail.com.

Thank you... wahai ahli kodoks..

Peminat Spura
Lini

Murni M. said...

Urm.. tak reti laa pulak nak komen camner.. saya kodok baru belajar, belum cukup makan sodium lagih.. tapi my mak selalu cakap..
"whatever u do, think of the greater good" and i like this saying which goes somewhere along the lines of "when u handle yourself, use your head, when u handle others, use your heart"..(not that i practice it all the time tho' heheh!)

nurmisya said...

Konflik yg paling kronik ialah bila ia berkait mait dengan family. Kita nak berlaku jujur ni senang, just open your mouth and pour your heart out. Tapi susah utk orang lain menerima kejujuran kita tu. Sebab tu lah, kita lebih suka telan segala-gala rasa yg kita ada drpd terpaksa berhadapan dengan kesan drpd kejujuran kita tu. Jalan mudah memang la sabar dan terus bersabar sampai bila-bila. Tapi soalnya sampai bila? Kadang-kadang, sabar tu pun nampak macam satu cara utk lari dr masalah dan kadang-kadang kesabaran kita juga boleh memburukkan lagi keadaan. Kalau anda rasa tidak mampu utk menanggung risiko, sabarlah lagi, telan segalanya, dan teruskanlah menceriakan hidup orang lain dan menambahkan luka di hati sendiri. Sambil itu, cuba lah buat diri anda ketawa sebagus anda membuat orang lain ketawa. Itu ubat luka yg percuma tapi mahal harganya.I know for sure that you're not talking about your wife and kids so this means jika anda mahu bertindak sebaliknya, berterus terang kpd sesiapa jua yg anda maksudkan, they'll always gonna be by your side, no matter what. For me the three of them Kak Cris, Miasara dan Anais are already a very strong support unit. Kita berpenat lelah mencari rezeki, 'family' minta duit kita beri sbb mereka tu keluarga dan kita sayang mereka. Tapi bila mereka tak henti-henti meminta dan ianya pun bukan melibatkan soal nyawa,seolah-olah tak fikir langsung susah payah kita, nampak benor mereka 'tak sebenarnya' sayang kat kita. Fikir-fikirkanlah. Tapi biasanya kita orang Melayu will resort to "duit boleh cari tapi persaudaraan yg hilang tu takder galang ganti." Aduhai...ditelan mati emak, diluah mati bapak. Mati kita sebab? Bila ada sedara mara yg mcm ni lah!

Anonymous said...

bang mintak singgit........

Malaysian Movie Blog said...

Kalau aku, aku bagi duit untuk dia boleh beli makanan dan minuman.
kalau aku tak percaya sangat aku pegi beli foodstuffs kat dia.

aku penah lalui times aku tak penah ada duit, tapi ada juga orang yg tolerate aku and tolong aku.
and i appreciate it.

bukan semua orang yang tak ada duit tu sebab dia segan. ada orang ada problems.

ko tanya diri ko, kalau ko tak der duit and you really really stuck (bukan sebab ko segan tapi situation ko) wouldnt you want people to understand your situation and help you out?

kalau tak penah lalui susah memang la susah nak paham.

cuma i letak had kat dia, kalau dia beli rokok or pegi enjoy disco, sorry, tapi kalau nak beli makanan for family dia ok.

kita buat baik bukan kerna orang tu, tapi kerna Allah.
moga Allah berkat harta dan kerja kita di dunia ni.

mizzhani said...

Me simple.

I'm 100% honest to my soon-2-b hubby and likewise him to me. All the truth comes out. Many tears and frustrations in the discovery stage but now settled. We've bared our soul to the core and there ain't nothin 2 hide. Feels like I am one with him. Truth always come back 2 haunt you, so 'fess up and be upfront to your partner.

We tell each other - "The ugly, bitter truth is easier to swallow than the sweet, honey-coated lies.."

However, heh heh, I am not totally honest to others that I love - parents, siblings, best friends... Just the small2 things of course. To ensure peace and harmony.

I only spend money and give money unconditionally to sweetheart, my parents and his parents. My sweetheart also applies same - to me, his parents and my parents. However, here's what differs us from most. Even siblings, if they ask, sorrylah bro/sista. No can do. Unless they are at their deathbed, the answer No.

Mmg best saying No to colleagues/friends/bro/sista asking 4 money, coz now's the time to advice them to open their eyes and learn abt financial mgt! Selamba aje cakap.

So, 'tis that simple. Clear-cut rules. I don't have anybody owe me money and me don't owe anybody either.

mizzhani said...

Oh yeah....there's a saying...

Give a man a fish, he eats for a day....
Teach a man how to fish, he eats for the rest of his life..

So, let the person go thru the painful, agonising, torturing period of having no money...The next time the fella got cash flowin in, he'll know how to appreciate and manage it better...

Permintaan pada Kementerian Pendidikan, rombak semula syllabus and include subject "Personal Financial Management" and also "Sex Education" - so our kids become financially-savvy and the girls don't get pregnant when only 13 yrs old!

Anonymous said...

dear afdlin,
honestly..when we love somebody...we will find every single excuse in this world just to forgive and forget whatever their wrong doing kan...

about the money thingy...it will best if u could speak-out your mind regarding this matter in the most diplomacy way...
tapi bottom line nya...org tuh mesti akan TERASA nya waa cakap ...
dan itu laa hakikatnya manusia ini...dikurniakan feelings...
but then..if that person sendiri berhati perut and love you as much as you love him/her....
then dia akan accept this matter with an open heart kan...

mayb this person or should i say group of people yg ingat you chop duit nie...ingat u got duit berkepuk-kepuk kot because of this "glamour" life that u currently in kot...but then that is another story...

better i stop here..before i go on merepek meraban..chiao...

niz_el

Kak Lady said...

Pada kak lady..be honest to the one we love adelah sesuatu yang mulia walaupun ade kalanya menyatakan kebenaran itu kadang menyakitkan...

Tapi kan kita orang Melayu...telah belajar dari kecil untuk cakap berlapik..so gunakan cara itu kalau tak mahu perkara tersebut terlalu menyakitkan pihak lain..

Kalau kita dah berterus terang secara baik..then pihak yang lain merajuk...kak lady rasa rajuk itu hanya seketika..sebab..orang2 yang kita sayang...akan sentiasa bersama kita walau aper pun terjadi..itu pendapat kak lady.

Pasal duit tu...betul kata mizzhani tu...

ive a man a fish, he eats for a day....
Teach a man how to fish, he eats for the rest of his life..

Kita bantu dia untuk cuba mencari sendiri duit dia ...supaya dia lebih menghargai aper yang sukar di dapati..kerana resmi manusia ni kadang kurang menghargai aper yang senang dia dapat...& sampai bila dia harus menadah tangan memohon simpati...

Kan ade kata orang tua2...pasal duit kadang kawan jadi musuh...masa meminjam semuanya kawan..tapi masa membayar...yang kawan jadi musuh...

encikmasen said...

hayt cip..nk jujur tu, mmg perlu walau pada org tersayang(same je cam komen2 sblm nih) but then there's always something yg x patut kalo terlalu jujur dlm semua benda..kalo jujur sgt org mungkin benci..hipokrit sgt pun org benci..so just be ur self la..dengan siapa kita jujur itu pilihan memasing..kekadang dgn diri kita sendiri pun kita x jujur..

bout the money thing..kena gak tunjuk kt sesape yg suka memintak duit bagaikan kita ada kilang chap duit, yg kita sebenarnya tidaklah mempunyai kemudahan chap duit..got to show that we have to earn the money..unless that thing is impoertant then baru bagi..like my mum always do to me..she shows that money have to be earn, can't be give to someone just like that..dan dlm dunia yg pentingkan duit, jimat cermatla..

right cip kodok?

justanotherKODOK@dids said...

you know...sometimes, when we're ultra nice, people step all over us, so bad that, even when we're struggling, we'll still try to help...no...oblige to their needs/wants. why? because we don't/can't say NO. if it's YOUR family: ur wife+kids, obviously, it's your responsibility, you gotta take care of them. as a soon, you should take care of your mum's welfare. so that's only FOUR people.

anyone outside those four, no matter how much you love them, and you feel bad about not being able to help them...you gotta let them try and fend for themselves, because maybe you, as a nice person, when you were doing well, you did't mind helping out before, so much so that they kept expecting your help...you know?

i hope i'm making sense here. allow me to share a story with you, k?

my dad got bankrupted when i was 15, of course i was old enough to understand it, but i had younger siblings who didn't. one was 8 and the other, 5. so since then right, life just made a 180 degree turn, we lost our luxuries. we were pretty well off, sort of, not filthy rich or whatever, but comfortable. then one day it just went "boom". all gone. of course since i was already old enough, i learnt how to spend whatever little money i had saved wisely. no more bday money, no more duit raya, no more shopping, no more eating out...nothing. so one day, we were out, jalan2 at OU, then my sisters wanted to go to toys'r'us. so they both wanted a toy each right, but my dad kept on saying, "beli hari lain, lah ok? papa tak pegi bank today" (padahal takde duit kan) but they insisted on the toys still. so i stepped in and said, ok, i will buy just one toy for both of you, so you gonna have to share ok...and then i paid for it with my own savings...and when we left the store i saw my dad's face, his eyes were welled up with tears and he looked very sad. so one year after that incident, alhamdulillah, when our life was picking up for the better, as i was having coffee with my dad he reminded me of that incident in toys'r'us. he said he has never felt so hopeless, and helpless, as a father, and he felt like a total loser for not being able to provide for his family.

anyway...i hope u understood that story. i don't want you to ever feel that way. especially in front of your girls. it's depressing, you know. seeing my dad's face like that. and even during raya at that time, he was the only "uncle" who didn't give out angpows, because he can't afford to. and he was so down about that.

if you're unhappy, air it out. let them know. because if you keep them bottled up one day it's gonna blow. people can only read your surface, you know like, alah afdlin tu...tarahal...always happy go lucky. tapi sebenarnya tidak...masalah bertimbun, kepala rasa nak pecah sebab banyak sangat kena fikirkan.

i know cos i'm the most obliging person on earth.

take care you...

Nazra Z. said...

I would always stick to honesty. It would hurt but at least I don't have to live with the burden of lying in the past.

But, if you feel that helping people is what you really want to do right now, go ahead.

Elsevier said...

I think it's better to give them a fishing rod TODAY and show them where the sea is, rather than giving them fish every single day.

But yeah, to tell this right at their face is hard (kang kata sombong la, berlagak la, lupa dunia la, kacang lupakan plastik la). Maybe you should provide some justification as to why you can't constantly give them the 'fish'. Let them know that you have a family to support and you are not being sombong or kedekut - you just want them to earn their own living.

Ben-G said...

Bro..i think honest kat ur loving person mmg perlu...becoz honest will show how much ur love to that person..

Sammy Vellu Fan Club said...

Datuk Seri Samy is a giver lah. so i never heard he complains about money.
not only his relatives, but when he goes to mumbai people still know him as a generous fellar.

ghandi is a giver also lah and datuk seri wants to follow his footstps!

Hidup datuk seri sammy vellu!!!!

come la see at Sammy Vellu Fan Cub Dot Com:
http://vellu4money.blogspot.com/

AdieJin said...

Orang dulu dulu dah cakap..Bagi Ikan, habis...bagi Kail, dia boleh pi pancing ikan untuk makan hari hari.

sushi said...

bro afdlin..
I can relate when u said that blogging is some form of therapy for u. I can also sense ur dilemma. We have to juggle our emotions in order to take care of other people's emotions. Honestly speaking or blogging, as the currently rehabbed Billy Joel had sang "Honesty, it's such a lonely word but it's what I need from you. Honesty, it's hardly ever heard but mostly what I need from you".
Yang bermaksud as according to my opinion - its damned if you do and damned if you don't. Listen to your hati kecil when it says blurt it out just do it. If it says no.. I think don't lie but tapis your information.

sushi said...

1 more thing - bab money nie... nie lah family.. kalau ade duit ha jadi kawan bila tak.. jadi lawan. I've been told giving money (yg bukan sedekah.. for example like hutang) creates more enemies than friends.When its comes to money and family be objective. What's the money for (goals, objective purpose) long term or short term, end product of money being used ( on that person and on u kalau ade). Go from here setelah you dah timbangkan segala di atas.

raz said...

well afdlin...my advice to u is...give a man a fish and he'll feed his family for a day...but if u teach a man how to fish, he can feed his family for a lifetime, and open a kilang buat keropok leko(i kid)

but then again, they are family...so its a little bit of a sensitive situation

Anonymous said...

just wanna add something bout the honesty thingy.

if mende yg u nak btau tue x penting, meaning ur loved ones tu kalau x tau pasal mende tu pun xpe, then its ok kalau u x btau. even kita sayang dia, x semstinya kita kene share sume secrets kita dgn dia.. BUT!!! if dia layak tau bout that thing (ie it affects him/her) then definitely kene cakap. cos tanak dia tau in the hard way.

shake said...

To me, takyah be honest if it means to hurt the people you love. Why spoil everything walaupun sekejap?

If you think you can handle it, simpan je "pekung dalam dada" tu, unless of course IF and only IF there comes a time when you are forced to be honest to them. If they love you and respect you as who you are, they should understand the reason why you had to keep some things to yourself.

Pasal the money thing. On the surface, I agree with the fish and the mata kail theory. But practically, nak cari mata kail tu kat mana?

Maybe some people would call me stingy, but to me, what's mine is mine. It's up to me whether or not I want to give or loan something of mine to others. I have my reasons. If they really want to pinjam, try pinjamkan sikit and see what they really meant by PINJAM.

If you're satisfied, then later on kalau dia nak pinjam lagi, then oklah kot. Tapi kalau dia asyik nak memintak je tapi tak bayar balik, takke diorang tu dah jadi pemintak sedekah?

Nak bagi dia mata kail pulak, diorang nak ke pancing guna mata kail tu?

My philosophy is that I know I'm a nice and kind person. When people ask me for help, I would help setakat yang I rasa ikhlas. When it comes to a point that I really feel that I'm crossing the "ikhlas" line, that's where I'll stop. Let them figure out a way for themselves.

muzzodammerung said...

the keyword is love...do you love them??

sahabat said...

Pendapat;

1 - sifat jujur memang mulia dan dituntut tapi bergantung pada keadaan juga. ada kalanya tak salah untuk tidak terlalu jujur. contoh situasi - seorg gadis terlanjur dgn kekasihnya dan berkawin dgn lelaki lain. dia boleh merahsiakan keterlanjurannya utk mengelak daripada melukai hati suami / menimbulkan persengketaan pada masa akan datang tapi dlm masa yg sama dia wajib bertaubat. bg situasi anda, fikirkan semasak2nya kesan kejujuran itu. jika lebih byk baik dari buruk, maka berlaku jujur tapi jika lebih byk buruk dr baik......fikirkan kesan jangka pendek & jangka panjang.

jika situasi tidak terlalu merumitkan, pilihlah kejujuran terutamanya dgn wanita kerana jika tak berlaku jujur, bererti anda melakukan dua perkara yg wanita itu tak sukai. tetapi jika anda jujur, mungkin hanya satu perkara saja yg akan dipertikaikan.

2 - ya, ajar mereka menangkap ikan tapi jangan berikan mereka ikan. yang penting jangan sampai ada yang berjauh hati. "Ibarat menarik rambut di dalam tepung, rambut jangan putus, tepung jangan berselerak"


===================================
solat sunat taubat (tak semestikan buat dosa baru nak taubat,sedangkan jumpa raja pun kena minta ampun dulu baru nak minta apa2) diikuti solat istiharah...minta petunjuk-Nya.

bila ada dugaan, maknanya Tuhan sayang kat kita.

Anonymous said...

I ada adik yang work like hell everyday untuk tanggung keluarga. Isteri dia kerja biasa-biasa aje dan dia ada anak sorang. He always come to me untuk pinjam duit and he never pays it back. If you ask me about this memang terasa annoying jugak sebab kadang-kadang I have to put aside keperluan/keinginan utk miliki sesuatu untuk bantu dia. Tapi...kalau bukan I yg tolong dia siapa lagi. I tak sanggup nak biarkan anak dia tanpa susu dan dan dapur dia tak berasap.

sirmudas said...

Bro Afdlin, a lotta love out there to you bro.

My advise or might I say as the saying goes:

"With great powers comes great responsibilty",

and

"Honesty is the best policy".

Kalau tamau cakap baik-baik kat orang yang duk pinjam duit tu jom kita buat kilang Cop Duit kat Wakaf Che Yeh.

esorkopi said...

sebelum tolong orang/keluarga orang, dulukan keluarga sendiri. apa barang bagi anak bini orang lain cukup makan pakai, tapi anak bini sendiri tak cukup.

tolong menolong tu memang baik, tapi make sure diri kita mampu nak membantu. especially dalam soal wang ringgit ni. this "MONEY" thing is very sensitive u know -especially when it involves siblings. trust me.

p/s: jom bukak kilang cap duit kat mana2?

Anonymous said...

aslkm all ,
ok lah , kita Anon , but anon yang baik lah ..

duhai kapitan kodok ,
jujur dan berterus terang ,seandainya dizahirkan dengan cara yang cukup sempurna dan mesra-alam , insya-Allah, dapat diterima sebaiknya , tak dapat dielakkan lah kalau penerima tu tersinggung mahupun kecik-kecut hati , tapi sekurang-kurangnya dia tahu, kita bersikap jujur pada dia lah .. mungkin kena berkali-kali terangkan kenapa, buat-apa, .. ada skit debat perdana mungkin , tak pe, kita usaha untuk leraikan daripada peram .. dan setiap masalah kita kembali pada BIG GUY up there ( The Most Merciful ) ..

MOney matters
Parents - contributions to them , mostly kita anggap jariah pada orang tua , sikit ke , banyak ke , tak kisah , it can be considered as saham kat sana nanti .. selalunya mak abah kalau terima , depa akan doakan sekali " alhamdulillah ,semoga murah rezeki lagi nanti .." klick.. doa orang tua diangkat ke atas .. sapa yang untung ? ..tapi tak payah le tunggu macam batu tungku depan depan nak dengarkan doa sekerat tu .. tapi biasanaya anak-anak tau lah ..

as for the sibling , .. boleh untuk pertama kali , kali kedua , kita kena banyak colok skit tanya lah.. tak marah , cuma tanya je lah .. kalau kita tak kasi pun dia tak boleh marah , sebab DUIT kita ..dan kena tanya gak kenapa dia selalu tak berduit ,dan discusslah bebaik camna nak berduit. jelaskas kan juga bahwa Rompak bank tu haram hukumnya ..

~ jun ~

kul8 said...

hi,
your blog can really be a therapy session as well lo! you really have a great bunch of KODOKs regime.
sometimes total honesty is not necessary. tepuk dada tanya selera. will prevailing the truth makes things easier + improve ur relationship? if not, don't make it any harder.
money to family member: kalu dah bwh tanggungan, wajib! kalu other family member yg cukup sifat tp tak reti nak cari duit sendiri/duit tak penah cukup. larikan diri ANDA!
Kilang cap duit kat Pengkalan Chepa?? yg mana satu?? apa nama kilang tu?

Anonymous said...

Aflin,

Honestly, do not be honest to if it hurt. We.. human is very unpredictable . I have done it. Be really2 honest and I've hurt the one I love really bad n I've lost her ( It was only on small issue!). Now I dont make any decision any more , sembahyang... serah kat Allah , minta ampun, DIA akan tunjuk Jalan percayalah!

Money, rezeki datang is not for us only . Sometime it meant for others only we as laluan..the more we give , the more we get inshaAllah .. I gave 2 Pll yang minta tapi dng apa yg mampu dan tak harap dibayar balik. mungkin itu rezeki dia.

Anonymous said...

this brings me to .... alamak aku belum bayor afdlin lagi !!!!!!!

tunggu sat bro, a bit busy, running around.

MesraKodok

Anonymous said...

Ohaio-des afdlin-onisan, daisobu-kah? hmm.. one thing that i can say is (from my experience lar) THE TRUTH WILL SET YOU FREE. and its true. when you have something to tell (important yet hurtful), must be told. If your loved one really,really love u, they will understand. Better be the truth now then the truth later. (paham2 ler ek).

about money tuh, hmm.. that one i think u can manage lar. They way i like my lover to be is independent. Most probably i give them some money to start fending for themselves. If they require money, i will give them, but only if its important (probably a matter of life and death?) hahaha.. dont call me stingy or anything, i like people whom can fend for themselves, or at least they try to. hmm.. okay ? i hope this will ease u.

take care afdlin onisan. Gambateoh..!! and gomenasai if ada salah cakap.

it's just me said...

gue ngak la sehebat atau sependita orang2 zaman terdahulu.. tapi bagi gue, duit ni leh bagi ramai orang kesusahan.. gue penah alami dulu.. camne berat hati gue nak berterus terang sama kawan rapat.. tapi pecaya laaa, kalo sesorang tu sayangkan kita, letak la dia situasi mana skalipun, kasih sayang mereka tidak akan berubah.. jadi bagi gue, loe harus berterus terang sama mereka.. gue tau, bila udah senang, ramai yang mau tumpang sama.. tapi kita ngak bole tanggung mereka selalu kerna mereka bisa jadi malas & ngak mahu berusaha.. orang melayu ni kadang2 kita kena bagi diorang cara 'hardcore' skit supaya mereka bisa improve diri mereka nanti.. loe kena pecaya pada ALLAH, sorry to say sebab bila loe berterus terang, Insya-Allah DIA ada untuk bantu kita.. gue mau loe ingat satu menda, rejeki ALLAH ada di mana2.. kalo loe ngak bisa bagi mereka duit ini hari, mana tau esok lusa ALLAH bagi duit pada mereka hasil titik peluh mereka sendiri.. jadi kesimpulannya, kadangkala kita kena berkeras untuk biarkan orang lain berjaya.. gudluck!!

Chairman said...

the key is money. do you have enough for your self?

tanggung jawab utama ialah ibubapa (ibu especially), anak, isteri, mertua, jiran tetangga, anak anak yatim, kurang upaya, fakir, adik beradik, iparduai, saudara terdekat, sesama ummah, sesama insan

jgn pening pasal duit. ada lebih you give. takde cakap je le tak de. paling kuat dorang masam muka

biarkan. janji jangan kita masam muka sebab pening nak cari mana nak kasi dorang

ije_sri dewi malam said...

Habis masa keje sejam dok bace nasihat2 di atas.. tak tahu nak tambah ape lagi sebab semua yg terpikir dah ditulih...huhuhu..

Anyway.. nak tambah sikit aje..

Sebagai seorang isteri.. saya memang selalu harapkan suami saya selalu bercakap benar.. and so far, memang semua benda dia ceriter.. sampaikan nak g siam pun mintak permission..hehe..jgn tak caya!!(teman kawan kawin kat siam) and i believe him.. and trust him.. dari tak tahu citer and kalau dia nak tipu kate g outstation pun kite sure caya gak kan???

Entahla..

"as one person I cannot change the world, but I can change the world of one person"-Paul Shane Spear

azyze gomez said...

Dulu mase aku blaja lagi, masa aku tak kaya, masa aku xde kepentingan, diorang layan aku nak taknak je. macam budak gemok yang takde pape. tang sdara2 yang kaya, pakai kreta meletop, rumah ada aircond baik la pulak.

kalau turun KL tanak duduk rumah aku pasal takde water heater ngan aircond, padahal kat kampung tu ade ke ekond?

sekarang, bila aku dah keje ngan company besar, bile aku dah ade duit kat tangan, bile aku dah mampu nak belanja2, boleh pulak datang ngendeng2 buat2 baik dengan ayat
"ni la cucu pertama...sayang sangat."

nak tolak, sedara. nak layan, hati tak hingin.

So what I said was
"Sorry, but my priority is to my family, and they need it most. I don't have much. I can help you find a source, but I'm not it. Sorry."

azyze gomez said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
kambing said...

ya lo,bagi arr joran,mata kail,umpan,kalau tak tau sangat demo sket cara nak tangkap ikan, maybe diorang tak nampak jalan lain,so tolong la bukakkan mata diorang supaya sedar ada banyak jalan sebenarnya,so it's a win win situation,once diorang dah nampak jalan yang selama ni berjerubu tue,u pun save,diorang pun save,but man,when it come to sedara,,it is sooooo hard.

Linda Ahmad said...

Afdlin,

Kalo dia mintak 10K, u bagi 5K je...with statement: "ni je aku mampu..aku pun ada tanggungjawab lain"..if they can think, they'll understand...

Lain la kalo yg mintak tu your parents or ur wife...

p/s - nice blog beb... :-)

Anonymous said...

honesty is subjective. there's time u hv 2 b honest 4 the sake situation. and at times u hv to be honest, just because u have to be...
in life, u hv to be a good referee (cenggana nak eja nih?!!) u bagi penalty, kalo gol, u kena.. kalo u tak bagi penalty, pun u kena. so judge & analyze the situation.. if you have to, then tiup la wisel tuh.. pprrrriiiiiiittttttttttttttt......

~cucu uwan~

judd said...

that's a tough one.

just follow your heart.

paan said...

aku nak komen satu jek.. pasal de bucks utk sedara mara..

i think u should somehow make the person learn, teach more if u care the person more..

i've come through the same problem.. at the end it will become banyak lemak.. it'll never stop until u stop it.. the person will always think that u will always be there for the $$$ if he/she hav the $$$ problem..

they'll never think that they shuld jimat cermat, never think bout other alternatives, never think bout standing with their own feet.. as long they know they hav u as 'abang along pinjam pree'..

just tell them nicely or somehow cakap jek u tak cukup duit...

pergh.. aku serius plak..

cycse7en@hotmail.com

kaymalik said...

Dear Afdlin,

Like the rest said, honesty is subjective but be true to urself. Kena jujur and at the same time cuba sebaik mungkin utk tak melukakan hati org tersayang.

As for family yg constantly suka mintak duit tu, u hv to put a STOP. Kalo u sayang diaorg u have to stop 'manjakan' diaorg. Teach them a lesson for their own good and urs as well.

Some how, i know u can handle this situations, bro..No worries, we'll support u all the way!

Cheers

Anonymous said...

hi afdlin, well, firstly, money has always been the root of all evil...seriously, think bout it. i for once and up until now, i can still say that money is not important. some may think i'm a hypocrate but after a few arguments with my loved ones over money, i knew that money will always be the 'berlin wall'between me n my loved ones.
i will always go for honesty though it hurts. i wouldnt lie and hence, i dont want ppl to lie to me.u know the saying, do unto others as u would want ppl to do unto u. ppl nowadays r more materialistic. i'm just as happy as with money or without money.
(I COULD GO ON AND ON, MAN...):)
nur akmar raha

Yuszzz said...

bagaimana kalau masalah tu seperti ditelan mati emak diluah mati bapak...contohnya masalah nya adalah afdlin ada bini no 2 kat pengkalan chepa, tapi dia tak sanggup bagitau kat bini no 1 dia..
bini no 2 dia tu asyik mintak duit jek...apa kata korang kalau masalah tu yang ditimbulkan...kekeke...saje bagi gossip skit...jgn marah ek...

Anonymous said...

money was never above god! those who think that money is the root of evil, is giving life and character to it. Money is just an object. Human who adore and cant manage it, is the source of all anal-deep-shitto evil. Think MAN!! think hard! better go back to bater trade system!

ehlana said...

mr afdlin..

i do not know about others, but my opinion is it is better to be honest to the ones you love. of course if it concerns questions like 'sayang, do i look fat to you?' or 'sayang, was she better than me?' you have no choice but to lie.. but otherwise, it is better for you to be honest no matter how much it is going to hurt them.

on the money issue, kalau yang asyik minta tu is your wife or your daughters or your parents/parents in law (which i strongly feel is not the case), then you wajib give setakat yang termampu. but kalau yang minta tu is adik beradik, in laws, cousins, second cousins, your parents' cousins etc. i feel that you need to draw the line on how far you can help them. kalau sekali dua tu okaylah but if everytime you see their face they expect something from you, then you just need to tell them straight to their face to sila cari kerja sendiri and that you have other obligations (easier said than done, i know). alaah, bro.. sedara mara ni pon kekadang tak boleh nak pakai jugak. masa kita senang adalah diorang but masa kita susah macam-macam hal diorang boleh buat kat kita. just my 2 cents...

mega said...

hi afdlin, dah ramai org bagi opinion kan... tapi kita nak citer skitt..
Dulu kita pernah bertunang,May 1998 n sepatutnya kahwin in September 1998 tapi putus tunang betul2 sebulan seblm tarikh kahwin. Kesan yg paling teruk pada ayah kita sbb kita anak pompuan tunggal. Salah kita sbb masa kita tau tunang kita buat hal right after bertunang, kita asyik cover line, diam n tak ckp sapa2 sbb kita pk, kita mesti kahwin. Kalau tak ayah n mama akan malu, maklumlah anak pompuan sorang nak kahwin. Excitednya luar biasa... Masa ayah n mama tau yg wedding kena cancel, betul2 dah tak blh nak buat apa2, dah teruk sgt. Discuss camana pun, wedding ttp cancel n lbh malu dari yg kita imagine.. N kita akan ingat sampai bila2, bila ayah kita sambil nangis ckp "takde apa yg ayah harap selain kebahagian d only daughter yg ayah ada tapi u yg kena dugaan yg paling besar n malu, but ayah kecik hati anak ayah belakangkan ayah pasal nie sampai tahap nie baru nak ckp" Kita rasa bersalah n menyesal sgt2, kita tak pernah tgk ayah kita sedih mcm tu.. Kalaulah kita ckp awal2, w/pun hurt tapi ayah akan bersedia, tak "terduduk" sampai mcm yg jadi 7 years ago... Ayah kita garang n tegas, blh jadi opposite person at that situation. Abang2 kita semua terkejut.. Sometimes, the truth is hurt but if u keep it, it will be worse than u imagine.. U know the one that u love better than anyone right.. so u're the best person to inform him/her.. Buatlah istikharah, jalan Allah, jalan yg terbaik. :-)

tzdev said...

For me, it's important to tell the truth esp. to the loved ones.. eventhough it's gonna hurt...tapi tak bermakna bile kita dah bercakap benar, kita boleh buat apa saja yang kita suka.. n cakap apa saja kita suke with the basis - "janji i dah cakap benar.."hope u'll get what i meant..

bout the money, i rasa boleh tolong IF org tu sgt memerlukan n IF kita mampu.. n bukan sebab people take things for granted or bukan utk org yg ambik jalan mudah...

my 2 cents..

cekodok said...

akum...

k, utk topik kali nih, gua ade nak share sikit ler sbb rasenye, bground gua ngan selambekodok tu ade persamaan sket. bab cakap benar tu kan, for me, some things are NEVER meant to be spoken or told. keep it to yrself coz like me, i dont like to let ppl down with what i say or do, although it is the right thing to say or do.

bab duit nih, kalau sekat utk anak bini, gua rase brader selambekodok takde hal nyer kan. i saspek ni mesti sbb adik badik. sbb same as mine,.... adik badik ramai.. bile dah besa2, ade yg ok, ade yg tak ok. so, yg tak ok ni asik dok menempekk kat yg ok.

tapi kengkadang, kite kener pikir gak, we earn and try to make a better living for diri sendiri dgn anak bini. sometimes, memang la dorang tu unfortunate ke, memang born-loser ke, tapi mesti la ada limit.

so, my principle kan, senang jer.... DARIPADA KITA BAGI DORANG ROTI UTK DORANG NAK MAKAN, LAGI BAIK KITA AJAR DORANG CARA2 NAK BUAT ROTI SUPAYA DORANG LEH BUAT DAN MAKAN SENDIRI NANTI TANPA BANTUAN KITA.

in the process of teaching them to buat roti, kita kena la sabar. adik badik kan. gua rase, ini la care terbaik... tul tak bro selambekodok ?

sity29 said...

wow.. guess that u have had lots of ideas on either being honest or not with ur love ones.. anyways.. my 2 cents advice to u goes like this.. just be you bro.. if u think that is best for u and ur family so go ahead if not.. don't :) tu je.. take care bro.. may Allah shower u with all his mighty blessings ..:)

hani said...

bro afdlin,

u pastinya tau apa tanggungjawab u..dah ada family sendiri lagi berat tanggunjawab u..

bantu setakat yang boleh kalau tak dapat bantu, bagi tau terus terang..

lagipun u bukan kerja makan gaji tau..no EPF tau..

Beringat sebelum terkena takut nanti cakap tak guna, tikam pun tak guna..

Rivky said...

Mizzhani maybe NEVER had financial problems b4..tht'y ckp mcm tu.If u pnh or akan alami ths problem,u akan create one blog for others to help u solve or plg2 pun kurangkan beban otak u.PERCAYA la..belom kawin mmg la mcm ni.."The ugly, bitter truth is easier to swallow than the sweet, honey-coated lies.."
tapi if dh kawin jadi mcm ni.."Who said the ugly bitter truth is easier than the sweet, honey coated lies".."Luckily I know how to cook sweet lies. Blh gak aku bg dia makan..kalau tak,mesti dia muntah makan bitter truth"..

To Afdlin..honesty is not always bitter..truth doesn't always hurt.sapa kata?Mcm nak toksinkan saje perut org yang started tht statement.
Honesty brings happiness,buat u rasa lega n org lain bahagia.being honest to me byk caranya.tak semestinya cakap face to face.blh buat surat and bagi.or email or sms.
Nak cite sikit la bout me n my sister and TRUTH/HONESTY.

1. Kita org adik beradik ramai.Aku no.2 n my elder sister blaja kat luar sementara aku jaga adik beradik.Bila dia balik sekali setahun plak tu..adik2 nak bermanja2 dia tengking.Bak kata pepatah,cubit peha kiri,peha kanan terasa..Aku menangis coz sedih kakak aku tengking adik.
Tiba masa kakak aku yg kena ambik alih jaga adik2 coz aku plak smbung study.Aku risau sgt coz kakak aku ni garang n dh tentu adik2 aku tak biasa ngn that situation.Aku pening la fikir mcm mana nk bgtau my sis supaya tak garang ngn my adik2..So,aku ambik pendekatan tulis surat.3 pages beb i tell u..Dlm tu aku luahkan segala2 yg terpendam,warned her not to be so garang ngn adik2.KAlau tak,tau la apa aku nak buat..hehe..
Kesannya..dia tak berani nak garang2..haha..

2. Pasal duit..aku kan ramai adik2..n kita org VERY..VERY close..so if ada yg tak puas hati,senang nak ckp.Tapi Afdlin's situation mesti tak sama.Tak semua adik beradik rapat yg kita blh senang2 cakap..mcm MIzzhani tu.Ada yg susah tau..
Or maybe bukan dgn adik beradik..kawan2 ke Afdlin, yg nak pinjam duit tu?
If kwn2..pun sama jugak.Ada yg rapat yg kita blh main hentam je.Ada yag tak.Dan,mcm2 pendekatan kita blh buat utk settle problem.
The thing is..aku ni nak kena gi makan.Nanti la aku sambung cite n sambung pendekatan tu.

Buat Mizzhani..Belom masa u nak owe org lain..takut nanti 'TER'ada,so..ingat2 sikit..buat baik berpada2..buat jahat jgn sekali.
semoga gembira ke akhir hayat dgn ur hubby to be tu.Jgn ambik hati ye..bak kata u sendiri..just telling the truth.

oon said...

...tu laaa ko... cuba ko buat cam aku ni... sekali-sekali cuba mintak kat dia orang plak... isk... tu ngan keluarga tu... ie.. emak... wife dan adik beradik yg lain...

...ngan kengkawan plak... tengok keadaan la... sebelum dia orang bukak mulut saya bukak mulut dulu... save gituuu...

....tapi sebenarnyakan saya camnilah... ada kasi je laa... tak de baru mintak...

err... ni...motivasi untuk diri sendiri... kalo orang indon yang datang sehelai sepingang tu boleh buat rumah banglo kat gombak tuuu.... kenapa saya tidak?? ...cacat ke aku niii??

teja said...

tengah tadak duit ni...
ingat2 balik sapa yg masih pinjam duit tp tak bayor balik..
bila dicampur2kan..mak aiiiii byknya duit aku!!!! bilala dorang nak bayor ni?

bayor le sekupang ke ...dua kupang ke.. 3 kupang ke..pelan2pun takpe

nak mintak aku pulak yg kelu lidah...dorang leh selamba je

Anonymous said...

afdlin,
just to share some experience with you. Masa kat college dulu, it was my first time living outside of my house, and first time jugak la on my own outside of Malaysia.

got some american roomates. That didnt last long with liquor bottles and smut everywhere, so opted for muslim roomate and got pak arab from saudi. So i thought, pak arab from saudi arabia, so must be very alim, good iman etc.

good iman and alim for sure, tapi everyday, mesti ada something wrong yang i did. Tak leh dengar muzik la, solat tak betul la etc. Sampaikan, i think dia memang sengaja carik2 kesalahan kita. So as a typical malay would do, i diam je la, try to be a good malay n muslim.

so everyday ada je yang salah with what i do, tapi dia, bulih lak merokok, solat subuh tak pernah bangun (walaupun later qada'), pasang tv time orang tengah tido etc. I got so stress out, sampaikan every night i menangis. We all tido bunk beds, so i on top menangis senyap2, dia kat bawah main game. That's all he did, main game ngan tengok tv.

Being a naive malay boy yang tak pernah keluar kampung, i felt the obligation utk jaga hati dia la. So i didnt say anything. Till one day, dah tak tahan lagi, i went to my resident advisor, telling him, i cant stand being in the same room with that pak arab.

So my RA cakap, if there is one advice he can give me, it would be, "if you can't deal with it, then talk about it."

I cant, so i talked about it with that pak arab. Of course, pak arab to look at me weird, and said that he had malaysian/indonesian frens before but none as sensitive as i was. Eventually, he moved out, finding his own place. We didnt solve anything, nor did we achieve anything.

So the point that im trying to get at is ... if there's something that's bugging you, then ask yourself if you can deal with it. If you can, just dont put much thought to it. Nobody's perfect ... that person yang annoy you tu, could possibly be annoy at you at the very same time.

But then, if it's something you cant deal with, then talk about it. You might not get the result that you want, but hey ... at least you made it known.

Tapi of course la ... before you do all this, you have to evaluate yourself first la. Orang tu memang suka buat hal ke, or you yourself yang bubuh expectation of the highest level.

When i moved out of on campus housing to an off campus housing, i lived with some fellow malaysians. We take turn la basuh pinggan, hari ni i, esok hari u. One day, i came home, rumah dah berbau becoz banyak pinggan kotor (housing there tertutup, tak banyak tingkap). So i washed all the pinggan mangkok eventhough it was my roomates turn to wash the dishes.

I washed those pinggan mangkok knowing full well and with the expectation that, esok my turn plak, he will be doing my dishes. Esok came ... and pinggan mangkok tu tak terbasuh gak. So i purposely biar sampai 2-3 hari, pun dia tak basuh gak. So everytime selisih ngan my roomate, i put on a muka masam. My roomate after a couple of days, realized something was wrong, so dia tanya la apsal "diam" je. So i told him la pinggan mangkok tu tak basuh basuh dah 2-3 hari dah ni.

My roomate jawab ... mana dia nak tau since dia ingat, every wednesday, it should my turn. He forgot la ... dia ingat, hari selasa dah lepas, and kitchen tu bersih je, dah habih la tanggungjawab dia. Dia tak tahu plak, if i do his chores, then he would be expected to do the same.

So moral of the story is ... jangan bubuh expectation on orang.

About money plak, if he/she is family, then in my honest opinion, selagi ada ... selagi tu la kita memberi. I mean, c'mon afdlin, family and money ... tak payah pikir pun, we know which is more important. Selagi you can feed your wife ngan children ngan sesuap nasik ... apa nak takut, Tuhan pemberi rezeki. Menderma atas niat kerna Allah, seperti melabor dalam saham yang tak pernah rugi. Who knows, kalau you tak bagi duit tu kat family, you might spend it kat benda benda tak elok (im just saying la, not menuduh you yang bukan bukan).

Money is not everything ... so what if you have to sacrifice beli keter merc or pakai jam tangan rolex so you can give some luxury to your family member?

It's definitely not the end of the world you know ...

min superherO said...

nak tolong boleh..biarlah berpada-pada..Tapi kalo dah masuk bab duit, kirenyer sensitip laa skit.. Adik-bradik pOn boleh bergaduh bergolok-bergadai kalo bab-bab duit ni..Inikan pula yang takde kena mengena ikatan saudara...

nasehat gua senang ajer. Bila benda yang ada, buat cara ada. Bila benda yang tak ada, buat cara takda...Toksah sakit-sakit kepala...

gua tahu lu mesti tak sampai ati kan taknak tolong. Tapi kalo dah melampau-lampau sangat, kena jugak jadik KEJAM sekali-sekala...Tepuk dada tanyer selera...tak gitu brO??

ewahh macam berpantun lakk aku...

enon said...

slm dude,


*have to be honest, but what had happened need not be told. just make sure you NEVER repeat whatever you did that you think might hurt your loved ones.

*you know how the american govt spoiled the native indians? helped them too much until they can't stand on their own two feet. apart from your parents - ur responsibility to give them money byk mana yg kau MAMPU, you should be firm to others when you say no on money matters, but say it nicely. priority is to your own wife&anak2 ko yg kiut!

-==aku tatau le if ko baca komen aku yg nampaknya nombor puluh2 juta ni hihi==-

ciao

Arief Shah. said...

Ala...kalu nak ambilkesempatan tu......ko mon ma..takleh la mcm tu ...jgn jadi malas....orang keja siang malam.....masa mimpi pon fikir camner nak cari money.....come on..don't la xpect easy duit.

Duit bole dapat mudah juga...kerja...jual ..bisnes ..jual hp....jual burger...jgn malas.

Cuma kalau anak2 tu kena la faham juga. Keperluan..tu mesti la...tak bole elak la. Aku pon tak bole elak..hihihih...takper la..tapi yang mengarut tu jangan layan.....la.....ok. Ala...betul tak?

ai-ra said...

i always try to be as honest as possible with my other half, but my problem is that the things i say often come off differently..hurtful sometimes, although i really meant to say something nice. so i guess it's not what u say that really matters, but how u say it.

of course, it's more complicated when it involves family. siblings especially. admittedly, coming up with the nicest, gentlest way to tell them off (without hurting them) is an extremely difficult task even for someone as brilliant as you. i've seen way too many family ties broken over the simplest, stupidest reasons.

i believe the reason they turn to u for financial support in the first place is because u r perceived as 'the' successful one in the family? in a way, u should be proud, rite? but then, one still needs to feed his family, rite?

maybe, in ur own way, u can enlighten them on what it's really like to be in the entertainment industry in malaysia. not that i have any idea how much u r earning, but hello..this is not hollywood,rite?

luv u n ur craziness. ;)

Tina said...

fuh yo! 100 comments on your blog eh?? not bad..... Anyway....this is what I think "GIVE a man a fish, he will eat for a day..TEACH a man to fish he will eat everyday!"

Suria Khatulistiwa said...

Selalunya nak berterus terang memang menyakitkan namun ianya lega, tetapi kalau membisu jiwa akan sakit. Macam semua yang telah memberi komen, begitu juga dengan saya. Itulah kehidupan...

Elf said...

Lerr..Camni...(ikut style mak tini buat laksa) :Nyanyi "duit duit, dimana kao duitt..duit duitt..hutangku membukittt..All together now!!Duit duit"
Hehe..sorry.
On a serious note:

Bapak saya selalu pesan, be honest. Dan selalu cuba beri yang termampu. :-)

p/s: teringat lak bapak pesan, "kalau takde duit jgn cakap takde duit, cakap tak cukup duit...satu sen pun duit hapa..Duit satu sen kalau dikumpul boleh dibuat rumah batu,tau (time ni bapak saya cakap style pak aji bakhil lak)"

Anonymous said...

kau ada tanggung jawab sosial juga Lin (sedap tak nama ni, aku bagi kau. cam nama awek pulak). kau kena tolong orang juga. Senang gini la, "teach people how to fish, don't give fish" Kalau kau bagi fish, diorang jadi selFISH. Kwang kwang kwang. Joke apekenda ni.

Anyway, gambar kat bawah tu gambar katak bukan kodok. Kodok badan dia gerutu. Aku cek dalam buku sains lama aku dulu. Masa itu buku sains dalam bahasa melayu.

(http://tokrimau.tk)

afnan said...

if i, i will ber cakap secara honest.
better to do that than keeping it for so long. well. the longer you keep, the more you hurt. :)

http://zainalafnan.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

Honest? Sure!! Tapi citer skit2 dulu, tgk respon, then continue lepas 2-3 hari kalu ok. Kalu tak, tggu 2-3 mggu baru continue. Make sure diaorg tgh kenyang baru lepas makan, atau baru lepas tgk citer2 lawak.

Give money? Don't think so. It's not "win-win" situation. "Show them the path, but they'd have to walk thru it" - morpheus, the matrix

SalaDaeng

ikanblues said...

Ubat yang mujarab biasanya pahit.

Yang manis itu Coca-Cola, sedap diminum (apatah lagi kalau FREE), tapi kalau selalu sangat minum, boleh kena diabetes.

Kalau kena diabetes kang, siapa yang susah?

Kodooookk jugak....

Anonymous said...

~KETAHUILAH.......
"Jangan Kita Melihat siapa yang berkata, tetapi melihat apa yang dikatakannya."
Apakah kita merdeka atau hamba? Jika merdeka. Itu benar. Andai hamba, tentu ia akan memenuhi syarat-syarat kehambaan dan ketaatan kepada tuannya. SALIMNA http://kesinambungan.blogspot.com

sam ahmad said...

Honesty is the one of most highly regard manners one could possibly attained. Billy Joel crystalize the meaning to us via his words in his song Honesty (Honesty is just a lonely word,Everyone is so untrue,
Honesty is hardly ever heard,
And mostly what I need from you)
Well, what is more there to say, he (billy joel) hit it at the sweet spot! Thus, my bro, by not revealing what should be revealed, our honesty is at stake. Thus, being honest to our loved ones, meaning that we are being honest to our creator Allah s.w.t. May Allah forgive us, the most gracious One.

Anonymous said...

Dear Afdlin

To me honesty is not something that you have a choice whether to tell or not. Why? coz no matter how u hide it or convey in 'kiasan', it will always pops-out. And the worst scenario is when it pops-out at wrong time and at wrong place. Macam jeruk yg disimpan dalam botol, lama2 botol meletup, lama sangat diperam.

So again it's not whether to tell or not to tell, it's a matter of timing. Find the right timing to tell rather then it creeps up on you.

As for contributing to family... sensitive issue. Family will always be family. Issue yg 'menusuk kalbu & jiwa'. It's a matter of 'main tarik-tali'. U let go a bit n u take a bit ( or more if u wish).

Other ppl's point of view can only be taken as an advise. At the end of the day, it's your decision that still counts and the rest of us will just have to understand and support.

ayana said...

reality bites. bukan nak kata apa abg afdlin,but manusia ni suka mencari jalan mudah untuk senang. sedangkan untuk senang bukanlah mudah. before jadi kodok kena jadi jadi tadpole duluss.. it takes minutes,hours and years utk "change" people.

sabar and you will find the greatest way to solve this problems.

cheers to raja kodok!

dona said...

pal, being honest may cound cruel dalam kes camni. But sometimes you've gotta be cruel to be kind. Hang in there vokeh!

syed bilal said...

pinjam jer dari duo along from bukit beruntung... diorang kan cakap diorang ada root kat pengkalan chepa... along bukit beruntung la la la.....

ClipperSeep said...

Wow! 112 comments and I don't think I have to bother sayin' anythin'. Everyone (EVERY) has said enuff and you will think it thru.
Anyway, just to let you know that you made a diffence by being so FRANK and so damn HONEST at your blogspot. I never knew any blogger (Msian lah) who is as honest as you. Once, I was carefully chose what to write and what to say, since loved friends and closed ones are reading. Then, after reading your blogspot, I was like, the heck with what ppl said, i just wanna let it out!!
But I'm still thinking over whether I should let the ppl over work come across my blog.
Anyway, bro, you are my inspiration. Keep blogging the way you are!

Ayah said...

siakap senohong gelama ikan duri ...

Sue said...

hai afdlin ... sue again .. been busy lately (frank man.. heheeh) ... can't agree more about the honest thing .... sad but true ... kadang dalam dilema jugak bebende ni .. n 'bout the maoney thing .. also setuju with u .. got the experience merself ... the more u give .. the more yg tak cukup .. gitu la ....

n .. 115 comments.. u sure are fofuler man ...

ije_sri dewi malam said...

komen yg ke 117

once you earned the trust.. you can do whatever you want..

once the trust is broken..

NASIB BADAN LAAAA...hehehe

Edd Vedder said...

wow.. 117 comments (and counting). Afdlin, this overwhelming responds definitely shows that we care for u bro.!

Now, pendapat gua. Sedekah setakat yg mampu aja la. And if they ask 'apsal sikit sangat kasik duit ni..' just tell them, '..banyak pakai duit. Itu aja yang mampu. Saya tak millionaire lagi..'. Kalau tak bagi langsung, I'm sure at one point of time, u will feel a little bit guilty. After all, they are family. That's more important.

I've been there.. That's how I handle it. And it seems that it is the best way for me..

peachpolkadot said...

i obviously do not know how you will be able to read all these comments :) seems that everybody has their point of view and i hope you shall find some that will help you ease your mind. yeah, blogging does help you release a lot of things. it helped me too :) honesty is what i try my best to give too, especially to my loved ones, but sometimes i just can't seem to bring them about for so many other reasons... hah, money, tell me about it, i pun rasa macam i have this magic tree that gives out money belakang my house that i don't know, but others think i have... sighh... seriously wishing you some peace of mind too :)

LMj said...

yup... hard to say if it is about money. hatta keluarga sendiri pun, kita bukannya kilang cap duit kan?

Kita sendiri ada tanggungjawab, ada keluarga sendiri yang perlu di dahulukan. cuma kadang ada yang tak paham atau saja je 'tak paham'.

dunno what to say lah chief kodok. kadang dgn relatives/sedara ni nak cakap jujur salah, tak cakap salah. tapi kalau memang desperate sgt, ko bagi je mana yang mampu.

pernah berlaku kat aku father-in-law tetiba mintak duit di saat aku nak guna duit for my treatment. abis dah bapak mentua mintak, takkan tak bagi kan? so aku bagi mana mampu je lar...

hope u find peace of mind and make a good decision. good luck chief!!

dwicrazy said...

family adalah aset yg paling penting.. kita kena dulukan family, but when it comes to money.. kena gak pk 2-3 kali, sebab maybe dia org tak tau mcm mana kita kerja... dia org ingat bila kita mewah skit, kita ada banyak duit.. it happened to my family, but then.. we learned to say 'NO'.. and it works.. kita kena tegas.. bgtau our other family that kita bukan semewah yang mereka fikir.. banyak benda lain yang kita kena selesaikan.. lebih2 lagi.. bila kita ada anak yang sedang membesar..
oklah cip kodok! gud luck bro!! daaaa...

bugis johor lagi said...

hai afdlin
we r of d same age, we married hv wonderful wife (wives) & great kids. for one like me what you hv posted is like question of should we tell our wive that we are having an affair, the fact is we still hv a great relationship with our beloved wive but it just we cant hv enought flirts to keep us going. & oviously, with all this emailing, Chatting, YM, SMSes, MMSes, any other day she can sniff d different & the hard time start, unless if our wives r illiterate or blind, dumb and completely illiterate. So unlike malay proverb, sepandai-pandai tupai melombat akhirnya jatuh jua ketanah" pls. choose your tupai, dont be just like any other tupai, be 'tupai terbang" flying squirel or scientifically Glaucomys sabrinus, the cooliest, everytime we are about to hit d ground, we can always flip our wing & cruse back. The idea is we love them all. Love & truth never mix. Keep CooL Dudu. flixmill@yahoo.com

vivica-defect said...

hmm my dad usually gives me money only if i REALLY need it. like for food or material for college.

yang lain2 usahakan sendiri.

taught me to be more independent.

that way if anything happens to him (God forbid) at least i know how to take care of myself.

Jelitaz said...

123! banyaknyerrrrr....first time jumpa yg sebegini banyak response.

Pendapat kiter sama jer ngan yg atas-atas tu. Keep writing bro!

Anazam said...

As for to be honest, i myself prefer to hide it untill it explode and bare the consequences bcoz i'll prefer to delay my love ones sadness as late as i could unless it compromise their safety.awat? ada pasang dua ka? hehe
As for helping tu,used to have relative like that. sehat segar bugar tapi maleh keje, anak 4, asek menadah je..terpaksa kasi jugak sebab kesian kat anak-anak yg masih menyusu. so, i think if kesusahan tu melibatkan perut-perut yang tak berdosa, tak mengerti lagi erti hidup, then we should help la. harap dorang besar tak jadi cam bapak dia yg pemalas!

Ly said...

cm besh lau g copink, xyah guna duet... ambk free gitu jer! **dreaming** kekekke

ops.. kuar dr topik ka ni? lallalala

mukaUngu said...

i guess it depends on the reason behind it. if it's really for a good reason why not. but also have to know when to say no lah.. if suddenly u selamba-kodokly want to terjun lombong mines.. they'll b in great trouble la.. so used to just ask 4 money fr u rather than working hard for it.

the kimster said...

His Kodokness,
This is what I think of the whole deal about giving out money:-

http://the-kimster.blogspot.com/2005/06/lesson.html

Warm Regards,
Fellowship of The Kodok
Membership No. 859

Fared Raihan Ahmad said...

helo bro afdlin...
i jump here for the first time..
your writting so original and craft me a smile on my face..
tehehehe

tentang penyataan jujur ni mmg bagus. aku pun suka org yg jujur dari yg suka menipu. sbb aku jujur pada org di sekeliling aku,and i want get what i have give to them...

but mostly so damn hurt...

i express it to my closer friend, on paper, canvas and draw wut ever i want, so that how i will not keep it inside...

flowergal said...

money..money..money...that's the main problem in this world. Anyway, abt yr problem chief kodok...u must be firm in term of saying yes or no...u must learn not to easily felt guilty if saying 'no' to them. Learn on how to make a 'win-win' situation for both of you and yr family member. If they need it, then ask something back as guarantee..mcm collateral laa...sometimes...kene tau gak bila to say 'no' at all..jgn ada rasa bersalah...ok bro. dlm hal ni kene byk bersabar...sebab pertalian saudara tu lebih penting dari duit..which kekadang kita ni mudah lupa....
ok...lama tak bagi bunga nih kat chief. -----^-{@

d_baronz said...

juz my 2 cents while killing some few minutes of my working paid time due to keboringan melampau....

honesty - well, dun have to be unless u feel it's a neccessary to tell. sometimes honesty pun boleh create problem on something yg tak ada....why nak create problem for being honest? so, if the honesty takkan create problem...shoot out kalau create complication...4get it....

money - sentiasa a problem...pandai2lah settle samada sekarang atau akan datang; pertalian lebih penting, well not for me...if u got money macam2 pertalian kita ada dan yg tak jangka ada pun ada...
without money....argghhh!!!!jadilah kita macam insan malang dalam cerita 'bersamamu' tv3....
mana dia pertaliannya?

itu saja

mizzhani said...

To rivky,

The truth is always better, no matter what.

Why would anyone wants to live in fantasy world, in an illusion, believing something that is not true? I want to know the truth. Tell me the truth. If I don't like it, then I can decide what to do next. If I look fat in that dress, tell me. If I stink with BO, tell me. If I made a mistake and screwed up big time, tell me. Whatever, tell me. So I know. A person should be mature enough to handle the truth with calm, logical mind.

No lies, just truth.

On $$...
Tell u something, my father stopped giving me money when I was 15. Daily allowance didnt get, duit raya also didnt get. You are on your own girl. So, I learnt the value of money and how to take care of money so that I will always have money. That's why I don't borrow money from ppl. Scared! What if not enough / tak sempat pay them back? If I don't ave enough, pandai2lah revise budget so will avoid owing ppl money. Biarlah makan roti kosong for lunch/dinner everyday, just dont borrow money. Anyway, I dont know how to ask from ppl, either! Segan.

Anonymous said...

Hello Abg Afdlin...

Jujur
Memang pahit berlaku jujur tapi kesan jangka panjangnya lebih baik. Jangan sampai satu hari nanti org ckp balik. "Kenapa kau tak pernah ckp?" Selalunya, saya sendiri praktikkan begini n jika org itu terluka,saya akan terangkan alasan saya bertindak demikian. Terpulang mcmana org tu menerimanya? Lepas tu buat2 poyo balik n kwn cam biasa =p

Duit
Bagi sethn sekali eg: Raya =) atau special occasion shj (termaktub utk selain drpd parents eg siblings,close frens). Erm...cam kedekut ek?

Alexis
Lain kali singgah Great Eastern habaq mai kat hambo,hambo kejo kek situ..level tut...=)

Cheers,
apolaustic

13th kodoks.. said...

halo cif,
tentang yang cif mintak pendapat tu kan..yg first tu gua punya pendapat..
semua orang memang nak kan kebenaran dari orang yang kita sayang,kan?tapi berapa orang yang boleh terima kebenaran tu secara rasional and terbuka..?kadang2 sampai boleh rosakkan rumahtangga pun ada gak..well,semua orang lakukan kesalahan,betulkan..kalau kita dah bertaubat and tak nak buat lagi..mintak ampun ngan tuhan dan treat org yg kita sayang sebaiknya..action speak louder than word..itu yg gua rasa coz..dah banyak kali gua berterus terang ngan org gua sayang..selalunya bukan la happy ending..tepuk dada and tanya selera..all the best..

tentang bagi duit tu..sekali dua bagi tu gua rasa memang ok la..tapi kalau dah keep on mintak mcm kita ni cop duit..gua rasa tak elok la..
paling baik pun kita ajar cara kat dia mcm mana nak cari duit..baru boleh dia cari duit..mungkin dia mintak tu sebab memang dia tak nampak jalan lain utuk cari duit kot..tapi kalau dia still tak nak usaha..kirim salam banyakkkkk2 kat dia..kata kat dia "ko ingat aku ada kilang cop duit"!
hehhehehehehe

Eena Arrina said...

heyyyy japp.!!! ni blog adfdlin shauki sebenar ke tak? <tetiba je

Eena Arrina said...

heyyyy japp.!!! ni blog adfdlin shauki sebenar ke tak? <tetiba je